Sometimes we need to be broken. Broken and bent in order to be made right again. To believe again. To be stronger in our faith in Jesus than before.
If you, like me, have ever had a crisis of faith, you know what I am talking about.
Those moments when the typical Christian phrases of, “Jesus loves you,” and “This is obviously what is best for you,” and “He has a perfect plan for your life,” just don’t satisfy. And you may even start to ask yourself, “Do I really believe this anymore?”
And through all of it, you still do. Oh sure, you wrestle. You beat on Jesus’ chest. You fight until the tears come, and you remember who He is and who you were without Him. You believe, but it’s hard.
Then you start to wonder about all of the people in the Bible who shared the same thoughts you’re having: “Does God love me?” and “Is this really what is best to draw me to Him?” and “Is this what is best for my life?”
I can think of many biblical instances, like David’s seemingly bipolar laments, Job’s honest but faithful cries, John the Baptist’s lonely and simple life only to be followed by a brutal death, and many more circumstances in which people did not always understand His ways.
And then we remember, who could ask these questions of the Father more than Jesus could?
“Father, Father, is there any other way? If so, please…”
“No, Son. This is the only way. But do you believe that I love you? That this is what is best? That what I do is always what is best, even the painful parts? The fame that led to your rejection, the brutal and false attacks against your character, your dearest friends turning from you, even your death? This is what is best. And by your stripes, they will be healed. Believe.”
And you are silenced. You remember. This is the true gospel.
You see, the enemy will spend your whole life trying to convince you that your comfort and your happiness are what a loving God always gives. To make you question Him and His goodness, to question the purpose of the loss, the pain, the heartbreak of your life. To make you wonder why, if you would do things so differently, why doesn’t a sovereign and powerful, loving and gracious God make it all right?
And then you remember Jesus. You remember that God does do things differently than we would. Because He died Himself. He has already made everything right.
Wrestle if you must. Beat on His chest. Ask Him your questions. He will meet you there. Do not lose heart.