Can I be completely honest? As we (Prism Women) launched an entire campaign for the “One Word” concept for 2016 I felt so excited. I am a full believer in the concept of seeking God for something special He has for us as a new year turns. God’s character bleeds with new beginnings, fresh revelations, renewed inspiration, change, zeal and preparation for whats to come. I was joyfully anticipating what God would be doing in all the amazing women that jumped in and what different things He would speak to everyone for exactly where they are at.
Inside myself was an entire different set of feelings. I was terrified. Even praying and asking God for a word for myself and a scripture verse to tie it all together was something I was completely avoiding. What if it wasn’t an easy, fun word that made me giddy and light as a feather floating into 2016?
The year of 2015 was no doubt one of the most difficult of my life. So much of life was hard, trying, and sad. Simultaneously things were exciting, joyful and blessed. As the year turned the new start we associate with a new year just hadn’t happened, and life had just rolled over in another year. I didn’t feel like it was full of promise, adventure, peace, and happiness.
So I continued to not pray and seek God, scared of the answers and outcome. God has a way of letting us know when something is important to Him, whether we like it or not. And He did, and in my heart I already knew.
I committed myself to start listening to the book of Psalms through a Bible app every night. I felt that God had something to speak to me through the unique style and theme of the Psalms.
Now, I put my headphones on every night at midnight and listen, sometimes over and over. I underline and mark anything that stands out to me. It relaxing, it’s sad, it’s joyful, it’s powerful.
Lying there listening one night in a half sleep I vaguely remember something standing out and I underlined it and made a quick verse image so not to forget. It had completely escaped me if this had been a dream or not so I looked the next morning and there it was: In my dream-like state God gave me a verse.
"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?" -Psalm 42: 1-2
My heart sank as I read this with a sober mind. Wow. I am reminded of the hundreds of promptings by His Holy Spirit to come to Him and being discouraged and hopeless instead of obedient.
God has been calling me to come after Him with everything I have. He has been calling me to go after the desires of my heart with everything I have. To be a spiritual pillar for my family with everything I have. To believe Him for the really big things with everything I have. And the whole time I have been running away.
I felt this last year and feel and acknowledge it this year. But what would happen if I stopped running away? Would everything change? Would nothing change?
As then the word came to me, like a rushing wave: Chase. I thought to myself, Wow, this is way too aggressive! It is aggressive. He is showing me the absolute urgency in my life, the importance of not holding back anything and not waiting because things are scary.
Thank God that He will never let me carry anything on my own. If I’m giving everything so is He. He ultimately has the power and authority behind any of my efforts. This gives me peace. Wanting and seeking God, like a living creature needs water, is so much to comprehend. It is life. It is constant. It is what He is calling me to. Please pray alongside of me as I go through this journey in 2016.
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